My Journey

This month has been rough, and there have been many many negative feelings to cope with.

If you’ve been a long time reader- you’ll know I had a falling out with my (ex) best friend (that post is no longer up). Well- this month, I randomly got ghosted and blocked by two girls in that friend group. One hasn’t answered at all for 2-3 weeks now.

The other answered me when I asked why she blocked me on everything to give me this bullshit answer. Long story short- she pissed me off, upset, and hurt me.

There is one more friend in that group, and we had a misunderstanding about the fight and got into a different fight. She told the girl who answered after ghosting that I said they were immature (sorry not sorry- ghosting is immature! And the girl said it wasn’t!!!) Although, I think she’s the only friend I will keep from this group.

We were 4 (+1 for one’s husband), 5 including me, and now I’m down to just me and one other friend. I’m assuming on the other side, it’s a solid 4. I’m still pissed one of them ghosted me completely. I’ve been friends with these girls for 15-20 years! Don’t you think I deserve an explanation and/or a conversation!?

I also feel like if there’s a problem, instead of ghosting, you should be having a conversation. We’re adults (28 and 29 years old).

I feel like we shouldn’t have big friend groups because if drama happens between two people it leaks into the entire group and fucks everything up.

Anyway–how did I cope?

Firstly- I vented to my friends who aren’t in that friend group. This is extremely helpful because you can get an outsider’s POV and get to see if you’re crazy or if the other people are really being that horrible. (Spoiler alert: everyone said they were being horrible and I was right.)

Second- I talked to my therapist. This is another person who can keep things in perspective. She read all of the texts and told me I was right (which means more than a friend saying you’re right because therapists will let you know how it really is). She also had been saying for a while that I outgrew this group of friends. (I always had anxiety about hanging out with them and always wanted to go home when I was with them, but I thought that was a me problem. Turns out it was a them problem because I started hanging out with other people and did not feel anxious and was not dying to go home the entire time. That says a lot.)

Third- I told my mom. I told her minimal details, but I needed her to know I was in a bad place and why so that she didn’t make it worse and understood what was going on.

Fourth- I wrote. This blog post is a coping mechanism. It helps me organize my thoughts.

Fifth- I stood up for myself. I made sure that I said my piece. This was not to start an argument, it was for closure, which my therapist said I needed. I waited a day and slept on it, then answered saying, “Now that I’ve calmed down…” and then said my piece. I got a long nasty response, but I just responded with, “Just wanted to say my piece. We can agree to disagree. Just saying goodbye.”

It’s very important that you don’t just sit down and roll over and let everyone step all over you. Make sure you stand up for yourself and take care of yourself. Also know that there is nothing wrong with venting to someone.

What coping mechanisms do you all use?