My Journey

History really does repeat itself. 

            Years ago, Mama died after giving birth to Caleb. Now, Sarah died giving birth to Mary. Papa expects me to pick up where Sarah left off, like how I did after Mama died.

            But it’s different now.

            I was young then; Caleb and Papa were all I had. Now I’m nineteen and am getting married. I’m ready to have my own family. I don’t understand why Papa expects me to be the mother to his children again.

            I met Adam in town one day. Sarah had taken Caleb and I into town on the wagon to shop. Adam told me I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen, and after that day he began courting me. He asked Papa’s permission and we became official. I began to imagine a future.

            I imagined a future where Adam and I raised our own family, not where I stayed home with Papa and raised my two new little siblings. 

            Thankfully, Caleb is old enough now to help Papa on the farm, but Little Charlie and newborn Mary are still dependent on adults.

            I wish Sarah hadn’t died. Not just because I want to start my own life, but because she really had become a mother to me. 

            How do I make this choice? Surely Papa understands that I’m a woman now and need to get married and move in with my husband. Surely, he understands that I want my own children, my own family.

            Papa will have to put another ad in the paper. This reminds me about how lucky I am to have met Adam in person before I even began looking. Poor Papa. Poor Caleb, he’s lost two mothers now. And poor Marry and Little Charlie, they’ll grow up without a mother for a while, just like Caleb and I did.

            History repeats itself. After two children, Sarah died and left Papa alone to parent, but this time he won’t have me. 

            I’m sorry Papa; I’m so sorry.